Posted December 31, Reviewed by Davia Sills. There are three stages that comprise the path to healthy romantic love. And those same stages mark the path to a life that's rich with intimacy—in all its forms. Because in the end, the true skills of dating are simply the skills of intimacy.
The 5 most important points in early dating often decide the course of your romantic future. At each of these points, there are intimacy-skills that make all the difference in the world. There are five points in the early dating journey where there needs to be an infusion of a few wisdom skills. Stay tuned to the Deeper Dating Podcast to learn more.
Deeper dating (pb)
Hello, and welcome to the Deeper Dating podcast. Because the skills of dating are nothing more than the skills of intimacy.
And the skills of intimacy are the greatest skills of all for a happy and rich life. If you want a transcript of this episode, just go to deeperdatingpodcast. I also just want to say that everything I say in this podcast is educational in nature. Thanks so much for that. Now I want to jump in. So I think that there are five points that you could kind of think of as trigger points. Points that are super, super important, where there are choices that you make that affect the rest of your future in dating. Hence, the rest of your future in life.
The parts of ourselves we are most afraid to reveal are the very qualities that will make us irresistible to the right person
I want to point out what those points are. And then I want to say that what I really believe is that if we can kind of do a trigger point injection of just a few really important skills at each one of these five points, the degree of empowerment, and healing, and change that will happen can truly be profound. The first point that I think is a really key point is an online dating point. I just want to say a few things about creating your profile. What you want to do in your profile, and this is really important is to kind of show who you authentically are. Which means the things that matter to you, the things that bother you, the things that bring you joy.
The things mostly that give you meaning, and that you have passion about. You want to describe yourself in a positive way. The main deeper dating Point is that we want to reflect who we are.
That is a great thing to do. I am all for that and you definitely want to show that you put time and effort into it. This is a metaphor for your entire dating journey. And anyone else just is not for me.
The other thing I want to say is that when you look for pictures, of course you want pictures that make you look really good, that show you in your best light. But find pictures as well that show you glowing. We get veered down the direction that we have to be really witty, and really charming, and whatever else.
So yes, authenticity in your profile written from the heart is a big deal. It will draw people who are interested in finding someone like you. So the second kind of trigger point, choice point, really important juncture or nexus in the process is looking for people, searching for people. This applies in the online world and the in-person world as well. It is a sweet, and powerful, and transformative tool. Does my soul feel safe with this person?
Deeper dating: a new approach to finding love
All of those things are wonderful. But you will quickly, especially when you make this a conscious question, you will begin to sense when your soul feels safe with someone. When you make that a really clear goal, you will notice people with whom your soul feels safe and you will be more attracted to them. And I believe you will attract those people more.
I talk a lot about two circuitries of attraction that we all have. One circuitry of attraction that we have is attractions of inspiration. And the combo of those two things together is what we are looking for. Because you will notice quickly their quality of integrity, their quality of warmth. You may not know it all right away, but you will notice quickly. So search for those things. And really, really, really believe that one of the best places to meet people is an environment with people where people who share your values and passions congregate. This could be online, and it could be in real-time.
The last thing I want to say about this second point is this. Stretch your boundaries.
Here’s the secret to the soul-satisfying, enlivening love of your dreams
Would you say no to your future with that person because they were just those extra miles? I doubt it. If the person was an inch or two taller, an inch or two shorter, five years older, five years younger. If you had this experience of deep desire, deep connectedness, and a shared sense of wanting to share your lives together, would you say no because of those issues? So I want to really encourage you to soften your requirements in these initial stages.
Really soften and stretch them to the degree that you possibly can. Then notice the chemistry and the connection. Even educational level. Someone might not have the degree that you require and could be brilliant in many different ways, apart from book learning.
So another area where I encourage you to stretch. But the area that I often, often, often, often wish people stretched more deeper dating Point my classes and my courses, in the s I get, in the clients that I work with, I see this again and again when it comes to character, when it comes to someone being committed to treating you well. You do not want to stretch in those things.
You want someone who has curated a life of decency, a life of integrity. You do not want anyone else. You want to be that kind of person too. So the third stage that I just want to share some thoughts are about the initial reaching out. Now, this initial reaching out might happen in person and it might happen online. But there are just a few really important points that I want to make. You want to hold all of those things. You want to be kind. You want to be gracious. You want to be thoughtful.
The 5 most important points in early dating [e]
You want someone who recognizes those qualities and reflects them back. This is how instantly you could save huge amounts of time by just being kind of this very warm, decent, caring you. I highly encourage it, highly encourage it. Because you want someone who is essentially kind, and decent, and thoughtful in those same ways. These are the things that really lead to happiness and we swallow our sensitivity. I should get used to this cocky, arrogant attitude. Then another one is bravery. Really kind of developing the muscle of approaching people or talking to people who interest you.
And when I used to lead Deeper Dating events in person, which is how I began in this whole journey, there was a period where people had to give out their phone s.
These were in-person events. People had to give out their phone s. The rule of the game was that if someone gave you theiryou had to thank them and then have a moment of gratitude. To just honor that this was a gift. You did not have to call them if you really chose not to. Some people were built and did things in such a way that they would want to let somebody know.
This is not really a match. And what people would discover is that they would build a muscle of going up to strangers, or smiling at strangers, or starting a conversation with strangers.