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In the fall ofNina Lorez Collinsa former literary agent, writer and mother of four young adults, including a pair of twins, was experiencing a fairly typical middle-aged malaise.
She had a complicated second marriage, and her body was betraying her — textbook perimenopausal stuff, awaking most nights at 3 a. Friends wrote back, half-seriously, suggesting she start a group for their cohort, but what to call it?
Black Cohosh for the herbal remedy? Within a week or so, Ms. That would be everything from the peevishly quotidian complaints about dry skin or men not shutting cabinets to the truly harrowing suicide ideation; job loss at middle age; bad marriages; domestic abuse; and children suffering from drug addiction.
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And sex. Collins, who lives in Brooklyn Heights in a modish duplex apartment overlooking the East River, is emblematic of a certain demographic: mostly white — though Ms. Collins is half-black — expensively educated and housed liberals. You would assume that group would mirror itself online and stay small and homogeneous.
But within a year of its founding, WWVWD, to use its colloquial abbreviation, had more than 1, members; the week after the presidential election there was an increase of another 1, Ms. Collins said, with many seeking a way to marshal themselves for political action. The original group, which Ms.
Woolfers in New York City began meeting in person, as Ms. Collins led field trips to Toys in Babeland, the sex accessories emporium on the Lower East Side, and hosted Scrabble tournaments and clothing swaps. Woolfers have also swapped houses and apartments, rented each other rooms and raised money for groups including the Center for Reproductive Rights and the Trust for Public Land.
Recently, four Woolfers spent a day at the Wallkill Correctional Facility, ing a mentorship program for inmates there. And Ms. Collins, who spent a few weeks last month on a cross-country road trip with a new boyfriend meeting Woolfers in Memphis and Telluride, Colo. It also has memoirish elements: Ms. Collins details her adventures in the orgy tent at Burning Man she and her ex brought their own sheets, and kept to themselvesher struggles with depression and her adherence to an expensive beauty routine that involves fake eyelashes and Botox.
She also cops to divorce envy, and notes the benefits of prenups, long-term-care insurance and pharmaceuticals like Xanax.
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In its breezy candor, the book is as appealing and appalling as the conversations of the Woolfers online, though it lacks the tartness and invective that occasionally erupts there, turning a you-go-girl group of self-affirmers into an unruly scrum. Because when thousands of women get together on social media, what could possibly go wrong?
Collins said. When one long-married woman wrote about the heartache she was feeling because her lover of five years had broken up with her, many Woolfers were upset by her adultery, Ms. Collins said, and she had to step in to remove comments that were aggressive, moralistic and vitriolic.
When a white Woolfer reported that a black man in a park had exposed himself to her, many in the group were inflamed that she had noted his race. At first, Ms. Collins read every post herself, to steer the conversation and defuse tension.
A chat room of their own
Politics, race and infidelity are topics that reliably lead to problems. Early last year, Ms. Collins chastised the group for what she saw as occasional reflexive pettiness.
Assume goodness, please. When we are meeting online and tackling subjects that are so nuanced, you can lose that nuance. Those tender subjects are tricky to tackle in any form. Just a few weeks ago, a moderator quit the group after a discussion of moderator practices — how they vetted posts, for example — left her feeling bullied, she said.
There are over-posters, and drunk posters; there are angry, cursing posters — whose words are promptly removed, Ms. Collins said — and posters who are a tad self-righteous. That there would be some interesting comments about Jean Rhys.
Merkin went on. This is more like the stuff you tell your girlfriend at the end of the day, the eye-glazing end of intimacy.
Collins said of the offending member. The way we dealt with it was to write about it, so everyone knew what had happened. Collins is indeed not only confessional, but also confrontational. Inin an article for Elle magazineshe wrote about being arrested three times: for assaulting her first husband, for assaulting his girlfriend and for violating an order of protection he had taken out against her, by overturning a coffee table.
A recent Six item reported that her second husband had broken her nose during a fight last September. It turns out that one Woolfer who read the thread was an old friend of Ms. A revenue model for the Woolfers has yet to emerge, though Ms. Collins is working on it. As Ms. She is as candid about her entrepreneurial behaviors and aspirations as she is about more intimate matters. Fortunes have been lost on the print version of such endeavors, despite economic data that shows the purchasing power of this demographic, decade after decade.
Collins is not alone in trying to reach them online. Girls of a Certain Agea six-year-old style site created by Kim France, the founding editor of Lucky magazine, gets about 30, unique hits a month and makes over six figures, Ms. France said. Seymour was promoting the site at the South by Southwest festival a few weeks ago, ing the stage with Tausha Robertson, creator of Ms.
Factora digital space for Gen X women of color. Seymour said. What is clear is that women who are a little bit older feel disenfranchised. They feel no one is listening to them, and they feel invisible. These women are powerful, and they have made me feel more powerful. Dina Seiden is a Brooklyn-based writer and performance free chat rooms in Collins MS, a committed Woolfer and, now, a moderator.
Last Christmas she participated in a Secret Santa gift exchange. Seiden said, truly delighted by her find. Unfortunately, the recipient was a germophobe, and was horrified to have received such an intimate, secondhand device, as she explained.
Did Ms. Seiden want it back? Seiden said.