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So without further ado, I present the 5 men you will sleep with before you leave Asheville. You know the one. He tells you that your aura is special, and that he wants to know the real you. He smells like patchouli but seems … sensual.
All that moaning must mean something, right? Cause of breakup: He blows up at you for making fun of his music and his weird relationship with his mom, then storms out to go microdose mushrooms at the corner bar.
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Ever slept with a guy who keeps his dog on a chain? It also has a jacuzzi and 14 acres. Cause of breakup: he never shares his cocaine with you. You leave him for the sake of your physical, emotional and financial health.
He pays, which is really hot until halfway through the date when you realize that he brought you to his actual place of work so he could get an employee discount on the booze. His Tinder profile features shirtless mirror pics and photos of him with his ex, but you swipe right, because at this point, nothing turns you on more than a guy who has a stable source of income.
Is this old age? Cause of breakup: he gets too drunk at your birthday party and starts rapping in front of all your friends. When you tell him to drink some water, he tells you to suck a dick. This guy just changed his Instagram from a personal profile to a business profile, because he wants to start taking his potential role as a music industry influencer more seriously.
Stephanie Rogers is a something human being living and existing in Asheville, North Carolina. She spends her free time nurturing various addictions which include caffeine, the Internet, and Carly Rae Jepsen B-sides. She does not have good taste. Stop asking. The answer is no. The same limitating stereotypes fit the women of this town as well.
Yes, more cultural diversity is needed coming from the west its sad here. Asheville is far from sexy. Bravo, Stephanie!
(humor) what i’ve learned about dating in asheville during a pandemic
I love how you read. You are the only author that I never have to question what they wrote or double read a sentence for meaning. So accurate, and funny as hell. God, this was funny. This is so scarily accurate that I gasped.
God help us, this is scarily accurate. You forget about the guy from shitty Florida with a neck tattoo that lies about living in Asheville and sleeps with married women only to take them down a drug induced ride of heroin based kiddie drugs while sleeping with every transvestite in town behind their back.
Also he hates puppies, children, old people and only drives low rider trucks. He constantly tried to only get hand and neck tattoos to make it seem like he had sleeves. Most likely has the last animal he had sex with on his chest. I have lived in Asheville for 11 years and have not dated a single one of these types of men.
I better get on this! Save my name,and website in this browser for the next time I comment. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Asheville News. Tags: aging crust punkAshevilleDouble CrownskateboarderSkateboardingyoga.
August 16, Article.
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Next Article. Bob Dobbs August 20, Big Al September 1, Normalcy can suck, sometimes. Chris Woods August 19, Stephanie, you are observant, creative, and incredibly funny! I love your writing! No type August 19, Benjamin J Bates August 19, Promise Boseman August 18, Susan August 17, So funny yet so true!!
Great writing and made me laugh out loud! Very nice. Jessica August 17, Scarlote August 17, This was great. Hilarious and spot on.
Nathan Jaremsek August 17, I live in Asheville and I am none of thoes. Kelly August 17, MS August 17, Wrong I been to Asheville many times and never slept with one. Alex Pappas August 17, Alex August 17, Trulyyours August 16, Robbie August 16, Nathan August 16, LGracie August 16, Nancy Lindell August 16, Echoing Laura — the is terrifyingly accurate.
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And also really well-written and funny! Sheri Larkin August 16, Gotta add in the Divorced Young dad because Asheville is where marriage comes to die!? AF August 16, A little ageish, though.
Sharon August 17, YoMama August 16, MIchellaBella August 16, Randi August 16, Laura Jo Sharpe August 16, This is terrifyingly accurate. Good heavens. The words and pictures below were originally posted to social media, mostly …. Hello, Asheville!